So, you’re walking home after spending a few hours at some random bars with friends. Your feet ache and all you can think about is the leftovers in the fridge. Your heels slap against the wet ground but you can’t even muster the energy to walk properly. The keys jingle as you pull them from your clutch and unlock your door, and there you stand, in your hallway with make up smeared across your face and in a dress that doesn’t fit all that great, alone.
And that’s when it hits. We’re alone.
My flat was silent, dark but most importantly, it was empty. And as I stood there just staring into the darkness, I realised. I’m not only alone, but I’m lonely. I had spent hours with great people at a bar full of life, I had danced to terrible music in an almost empty club but I laughed so much my face ached. But here I am, at one am, alone.
They say that you need to be comfortable being alone before you can allow yourself to even try at being in a relationship and I guess there is actually quite a lot of merit to this but like, what if you are content being alone, but not being lonely?
We live in a society of smartphones and dating apps, so surely this whole ‘find a decent person’ should be fairly straight forward? IT’S NOT BTW. I’m not entirely sure what the hell happened between then and now but the entire dating scene is a total fucking nightmare.
Situation one: you date a guy for two months before he tells you that he’s actually not looking for a relationship and everything he said prior to that conversation was a lie. So yeah, that was nice.
Situation two: you date a guy for eight months, change your relationship face book status and all that jazz, and then he cheats on you anyway.
And finally, situation three: you’re alone. Because isn’t it so much easier just to be alone than it is to have to go through situation one and two over and over and over? What the hell happened to the nice guys? To the guys who don’t cheat? To the ones that are honest and tell you how it is from the beginning?
Side note: if I did have the courtesy of being told at the beginning, I would have walked away, but instead I had to deal with it after the whole ‘feelings’ crap.
So here it is, my new plan. I’m not dating a single person for 6 months. I’m not giving a single guy the benefit of the doubt, there are no second chances and there are most definitely no feelings. Instead? I’m going to get myself a sugar daddy, because why the fuck not? I get groped and told it was my fault! I get catcalled and get told to accept the compliment! I get fucked around by guys consistently and when I tell people -guy friends included- they nod with sympathy and repeat the exact same four word “yeah, guys are dicks” BUT THEN NOTHING HAPPENS. It’s like we’ve all just accepted that this is how things are now and we just get on with it and we get our heart broken and we become so FUCKING USED TO THIS, that we just pick up the pieces and try again while THESE FUCKING LOSERS do it to another poor girl. So here’s my response, fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck him. Fuck dating. And, fuck love.
I’m done.
Instead, I will document what happens during my phase of the whole ‘sugar daddy’ process. Who knows, maybe it will be so freaking hilarious that we can all get a little laugh at my expense (don’t worry I’m totally cool with it, I heard they buy you shoes????). So, stay with me my faithful friends, shits about to get weird.
Dance in the sand 